No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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