Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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