it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
