I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
