Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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