see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
