if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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