At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
