Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
