I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
