I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
