Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
