So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
