I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
