Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
