I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
