Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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