I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Still dying that you shit outside
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Panties = found
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
