I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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