Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
well, you know. whores of a feather.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
