so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
