He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
