Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
