I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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