he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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