And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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