This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
