I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
