is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
