Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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