Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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