My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
its liver damage thursday
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
