I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
