i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
