i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
