we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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