Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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