I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
