even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
