ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
