i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dear god my vagina.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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