did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
