Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
