Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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