I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
