dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
