apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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