So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
