You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
