That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
