ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
