Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
